Ted: “Okay, here it is (passes over a single record). What time is it now?” They decide to go on to Kilkelly Caravan Park, staying in the caravan of a friend. That whole sexual world. God, I’m glad I never think of that type of thing Father. Directed by Declan Lowney. Airdate: 8 March 1996 Quotes [Ted and Dougal deciding what to do next on their boring holiday]: Father Dougal: Do you want to walk over to that fence? Didn’t our Lord Himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea before giving Himself up for the world?”, Ted: “Come on, Dougal, switch the television off. Elderly farmer: Ah, ya. (08 Mar 1996). Oh, and Dougal, you need more than one record for a collection. Father Ted: Are you sure you won't have any tea Paul? How much did they get? Fandom may earn an affiliate commission on sales made from links on this page. And you know something?! They’ve got the direct line.”, Ted: “Down with this sort of thing!” Dougal: “What? Mrs Doyle is telling Ted about the dangers of visiting mainland Ireland: Mrs Doyle: We should all be very careful on the mainland. [Ted and Dougal deciding what to do next on their boring holiday]: Father Dougal: Do you want to walk over to that fence? When Tom tries to open his truck's doors, he accidentally releases his cargo, showering the priests in excrement. Like a train in the night, Dougal asks Ted a question about the afterlife: Father Dougal: Do you believe in an afterlife? Ted: “How long would that have been there?” *Dougal is reading the TV guide* Meanwhile, Jack is seen alive and well on a yacht. Ted: Good night Dougal! Imagine blowing your head off with a shotgun. Plot Line: 10/10. Father Ted is a situation comedy produced by Hat Trick Productions for the UK's Channel 4 and written by Arthur Mathews and Graham Linehan. Tour Guide: “Oh, many, many millions of years.” View production, box office, & company info. He was from America. And the hairiness of some of those babies; It was a very hairy baby parade.” The sitcom – about three Catholic priests and their housekeeper, marooned off the west coast of Ireland – remains as delirously funny as it was in the 90s. 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners The priests try to hitchhike back to the parochial house. 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes Add the first question. Father Dougal: “A shower of bastards.”. That’s Catholicism you’re talking about there.”, Ted: “Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices Dougal?” 4. The episode ends with Ted and Dougal back in the caravan, with Dougal unable to find Ted during another exceedingly easy game of hide and seek. Father Ted: That’s the great thing about Catholicism. I just didn’t want to fill out the forms. 50 of the best lines from Peep Show Noel is extremely annoying to anyone including his youth group and soon Ted and Dougal have to leave before they both go mad. Dougal: “Half one?! Where are you going, Father Ted: Ah! Approaching the park, they see a large, luxurious caravan which they mistake as theirs. You wouldn’t find Hitler playing jungle music at three o’clock in the morning.”, Ted: “Oh God, we’re in the lingerie section, Dougal. They all became firemen. Dougal and Ted are waiting for a group of bishops to visit their house: *Dougal is looking out the window with a pair of binoculars* Tour Guide: “Well… you know, rocks are generally different sizes.” The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team Dougal (falling to his knees and weeping into Ted’s crotch): “You’re right, Ted, I admit I’ve got a problem…”, Ted: “Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Can you imagine Father, looking up at your husband, and him standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself? Bishop Brennan is always threatening to send me somewhere unpleasant, and this time I think he just might go through with it. Mrs Doyle: What am I on about? He manages to annoy Ted, as well as his long-suffering youth group, while Dougal is merely confounded. I love the Eurosong competition. Dougal: “No. Curtains! This page was last edited on 28 October 2020, at 05:51. Father Ted: Go on then. Following the vague directions, Ted mistakes a rather luxurious caravan as O'Rourke's, only to find it occupied by a young couple showering together - the husband comes out of the shower while talking to his wife and discovers the Fathers, left confused upon seeing them. Choose an adventure below and discover your next favorite movie or TV show. Jack can hardly believe his luck. Mrs Doyle: “Father Hackett’s got very fond of that brick. I know it’ll work. Dougal: “Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.”, Colm: “I hear you’re a racist now, Father?”, Dougal: “Ted, could you pass me my record collection?” Father Stone: No, I'm fine. Dougal: Father Dougal McGuire. Ted: “No Dougal, that wasn’t mad. Ted, using model animals and ultimately in vain, tries to explain to Dougal the difference between 'small' and 'far away'. That’s Catholicism you’re talking about there! Dougal: “It won’t work, will it Ted?” They are going to Kilkelly caravan park, hopefully in a more luxurious caravan than the one they had last year. Father Ted: No! SCORE: 9.6/10. When Dougal protests, Ted reminds him that the caravan they're using this year is different from the one they used last year. I just can’t wait. It aired over three series from 21 April 1995 until 1 May 1998. Small… far away… ah forget it!”, Ted: “Old women are closer to God than we’ll ever be. I’ve been drinking like a mad eejit! Elderly farmer: How did ya get interested in that sort of thing? The last thing I remember is feeling very drowsy and tired. *Ted turns around in shock* They get to that age and they don’t need the operator anymore. Fathers Ted, Dougal, and Jack take a holiday in a borrowed caravan. It’s a great old pet for him! As Ted is standing outside of his house on Craggy Island, one of his elderly clergy members decides to strike up a conversation: Elderly farmer: Hello there, Father. 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips *A switch of the camera shows a group of puzzled-looking bishops sitting on the couch* Episode with the "near and far away" scene, where Dougal cannot understand the difference between a small toy cow and a real cow that's far away. Ted: “Yeah?” And bring you to the horse dentist. However, all that is available are St Kevin's Stump (an ordinary tree stump whose name is unexplained) and the Magic Road (a location in which the laws of gravity disappear). A load of people in a stable! Dougal: “Oh right, yes.”, Ted: “That’s the great thing about Catholicism. Fame beckons for Ted when Terry MacNamee phones up to interview him for the television. A rainstorm forces them back to their caravan. 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes Latest live results in full as Biden attempts to remove Trump from White House, Six more states declare for Trump as Biden picks up New York and New Mexico, What the orange dot on your iPhone screen means after iOS 14 update, US election live results map 2020: Who has won the Presidential race in every state so far. Father Dougal: I have Ted! *Father Ted becomes visibly annoyed* He is approached by three beautiful women who offer him a generous choice of drinks. They stop Tom, who is driving a sewage van.
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